Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
