Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
