i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ladies don't puke and tell
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
