I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
