Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
