They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
