end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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