youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
