Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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