are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
