T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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