So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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