One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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