I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
