I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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