According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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