Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
