It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
