We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sex in a hospital.. check
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
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