can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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