I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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