her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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