My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I would ride that face into the sunset
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
