This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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