today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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