Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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