So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
