Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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