you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
