i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
