I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
