Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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