Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
this will be a night to untag.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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