Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
