please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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