he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
