Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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