do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
