He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
