Cold hands, warm shart.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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