I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
