His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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