So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
