why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
