It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
