I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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