I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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