then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
