hotel room ftw
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
