Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
