I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
