nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
