glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i would punch a child for taco bell
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The ass gains better be worth it
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