Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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