YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
