They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
