Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
