i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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