The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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