Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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