Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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