hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
