why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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