Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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