he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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