They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
