Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
