You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
