i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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