but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
