part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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