Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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